White Sox obliterate Reds with more runs than they scored in the last three games (2024)

Happy Tuesday, White Sox fans, and happy Dylan Cease day. Sadly, this may be our top pitcher’s final start in a White Sox uniform, as trade rumors have reignited. As for me, this will be my final spring training game coverage before the regular season begins, so I was excited to watch it ... until I learned it wouldn’t be televised, again.

That’s OK, because I love listening to games on the radio. But as I was setting up my MLB Gameday for play-by-play, I saw this.

Di Billick

That’s fine, I’ve done this before, I thought, as I resolved to watch every play on my web browser, refreshing every thirty seconds for three hours straight.

Di Billick

Limited play-by-play?! There was no Reds broadcast, either, despite the claim, so I had to check the Twitter. First, I had to do something.

Di Billick

Nothing personal, I just have no idea what any of this means or why you guys are being so mean to one another, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask.

Alright, well, I guess sit back, relax, and strap it on. White Sox baseball is less important than shin-kicking, cheese-rolling, and Microsoft Excel-offs. Good old ESPN Ocho.

Get ready for a limited game summary with restricted information, tweets that are news, and some AI-generated images of this evening’s game.

At an abysmal 4-13 so far this spring, the White Sox are setting the stage for some hilariously bad regular season action. It’s too early for the lineup spots to be secured, but I still wonder how Grifol will handle a weak order. With Colson Montgomery being demoted to minor league camp yesterday, it’s official that he won’t be in the lineup on Opening Day, but I have a feeling he’ll be called up pretty early in the season, and I base that on the team’s bleak immediate future.

It’s a well-proven fact that spring training records don’t reflect on regular season play, but can you blame any White Sox fans for feeling downtrodden at this trying time? After all, 4-13 isn’t just a bad record, it’s the worst. After the everything-must-go White Sox clearance sale, it’s apparent they’ll be leaning on the old faithfuls and new prospects to fill in the black holes in the lineup. If that doesn’t work, it’s going to be a long season.

Speaking of Opening Day, it seems as though Cease’s fate is all but sealed, and a stuttering Pedro Grifol failed to hide his secret insider knowledge.

This is devastating. I won’t mourn until it’s official, so at least for now we’ll finally put to rest any debate of who the star White Sox player is: The man who hit two home runs tonight, finally resurrecting himself offensively.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

After staring at my screen, the wall, and the floor, I realized that I needed to generate some AI images of the game. The first comes from trying to create a professional sports logo that reads,“ The Chicago Luis Robert Jr.’s,” and this is what it came up with.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

I even put him in there, removed the logos, and helped out the robot, and it still came up with absolute basem*nt garbage.

As for tonight’s game, there’s never been a worse time to be unable to watch a spring training game, because the White Sox offense is on fire and we all need the salve of success to soothe the scars from the offseason wounds we’ve suffered. Luis Robert Jr., Martín Maldonado, Lenyn Sosa, and Mike Moustakas all hit homers, Luis twice.

Andrew Benintendi went 4-for-4, which feels like a fever dream. The Reds were shut down early and never recovered. Cease threw heat, pitching 3 1⁄3 innings with eight strikeouts. (Somehow, Cease failing to go the minimum four innings as planned — in tonight’s case starting a blowout game, no less — makes it seem like he’s truly in midseason form.) He gave up one homer, and was relieved by Deivi García in the fourth. Nick Nastrini came on in the sixth. Cincinnati ended up walking away with only the one-run donger off Cease.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.

The White Sox probably looked great tonight — cohesive, supportive, into the game — and I can’t help but long for the simpler days, in a simpler time, when the entire city didn’t loathe the owners, management, and other assorted boneheads in the organization. There’s always someone to dislike, sure, but managing to generate such sizable disdain from a collectively forgiving built-in audience of loyal South Siders is impressive.

The White Sox mopped the Goodyear grass with the Reds, with a final score of 14-1. It got me thinking of our new veterans in their new uniforms, our faithfuls who’ve only had one uniform, and our hopefuls. I’m excited to start this season together in a couple weeks. I hope you are, too.

A.I.-generated art by Di Billick.